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• Published on: 1730
• Binding: Paperback

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
A parenting bible
By Michaela Braun
This is such an eye opener.All of its conclusions are based on hard evidence.Sadly I only came across this very recently and not 7 years ago. Had I come across this earlier, it would have channelled my energy used for punishing, for more useful interactions with my children such as helping them understand the emotions inside them and help them express their feelings differently and in better, non-aggressive ways which won't hurt others. Instead of spending time on supervising my children completing their 'time out' time or thinking up 'consequences' to punish them, I should have invested in more emotionally productive means such as conversations to help make children empathetic to the feelings of others, to create moral awareness, to help them to feel responsible for their actions and most of all, to help deal with anger and aggression. Instead, i have involuntarily fuelled aggression, frustration and hatred. And definitely not stimulated self-reflection. 'Punishment breads misbehaviour' and 'Rewards are counterproductive’.This book entirely questions the way we have been raised and the strategies we apply - punishment and rewards - in order to excise control over our children and use power and pressure to make children obey and comply in the short run. This book explains why these strategies are not only questionable but why they don't work and why they're even counterproductive. Based on trials and research this book demonstrates in excellent ways its core theory and concludes important arguments against ‘conditional parenting'. We do not want children who are obedient out of pressure and out of fear of loosing love, and without a sense of self. We all want moral, independent individuals who have the ability to be proud of them from the inside and who don’t depend on external praise. We want people who don’t comply blindly. This book is NOT an invitation to anti-authoritarian parenting but an invitation to be permissive of the feelings of children, not of the actions. It's very much the school of thought as Haim Ginott’s 'Parent and Child'. Treat kids with love and attention. You can not spoil them. The more you show understanding for children, the more desirable the outcome.This book looks at the core of issues of kids: to identify their feelings and to help them express these in better ways, ways that are not hurtful to others, neither emotionally nor physically. The book looks at the heart of the problem of misbehaviour: feelings that come out wrongly and unpredictibally. Feelings that have been suppressed and not dealt with before. This book is in every sense the opposite of how I was brought up or from what I've read and seen such as 'Supernanny' and other common parenting informations that have lead me into a wrong direction. It is going to be a hard journey to change my own conditioned behaviour so drastically.Everything in this book confirms the secret fears of every parent, of raising children wrongly. And this is hard to admit to oneself. For a many parents this book is likely to be too radical. I'm hopeful it’s not too late for my children.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
A powerful book. Reading it again. Not only ...
By Me
A powerful book. Reading it again. Not only does it get you thinking differently about your relationship with your kids, it also gets you thinking about your relationship with your parents.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
excellent book for any parent or educator
By hanelore lott
excellent book for any parent or educator. Makes you think a lot about what you are doing and what you want for your child in the future. Makes you reconsider your methods and everything you've read before and everything everyone tells you it's right to do.

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